marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
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