did you get engaged???
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
