id be glad to
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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