So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
