every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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