Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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