dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
