Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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