Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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