apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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