I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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