I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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