i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
