If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
A+ Viking dick
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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