My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
