Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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