Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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