Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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