whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
