Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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