you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
