sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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