we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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