i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I need a beard to bite.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
