I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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