you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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