i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
