this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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