I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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