yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
