If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
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