umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize