So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
