I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I think I am morally bankrupt
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
