Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
