i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
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