Small penises have feelings too.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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