apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
her facebook's as public as her vagina
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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