he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
