using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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