Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
