I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
