im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I'm just crazy horny about you
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
