Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize