So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
