Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Randomize
