My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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