What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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