At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
