a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize