dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
