Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I FOUND THE LEGS
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
