dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Is it because I queefed?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
