Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
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