I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
