he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize