I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize