Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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