the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
