its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
