And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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