Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
