living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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