I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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