Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
