How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
