Whod you bang
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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