drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize