Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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