Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
