PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize