Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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