she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Sext me about skeletons
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
