Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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