she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
