Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
