bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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