i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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