It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
