i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Randomize
