I wish life had little blips of pornography
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
