You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
