We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
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